Stop the comparison! When trying to accomplish personal goals, it’s easy to envy those who seem like they are 5 steps ahead. By comparing ourselves to others, you are only becoming distracted from your own your journey.  This comparison can be with a friend, the new girlfriend, the ex-girlfriend, or just that insta model you follow for “inspiration”. I find myself struggling with this bad habit often, and have instead made the decision to reduce this as much as possible.

1. Do things for you

When you are about to make a decision you must ask yourself, who are you doing this for? A lot of times, it is for someone else. First, you must get clear on what it is you want in your life before letting someone else’s decisions alter it. You may feel very passionate about a certain way to dress or style yourself, do not change this because you see someone else do it different. When you establish a strong sense of self, there is no need to compare to another.

2. Do NOT check their social media

I cannot stress this point enough. As much as I genuinely enjoy social media, it can also be a great mood killer. Your day can be going great and then you open your phone and bam there is a picture of this person looking amazing in a bikini, on vacation, oh and did I mention there is literally a rainbow and dolphins kissing in the background? Yeah, NICE. This is the perfect way to start my morning. The most important thing to remember is social media is only featuring the highlights of someone’s life. By comparing yourself to someone’s social, you are comparing your low to their high. It is easy to make everything seem perfect, when in reality, it is no different from your own life. Go ahead and unfollow those accounts that do not bring joy to your life. Instead, follow what you love, I personally follow around 30 cat accounts alone.

3. Create your own path (A.K.A it is not a competition)

This goes with our first step of determining our own morals. Once you figure out who you are, you can create your own path. Other people’s paths and blessings are not going to align with your own. What is meant for someone else, may never be meant for you. Let’s talk about how this idea affects our health. The concept that we must look a certain way, because the media told us too, does more harm than good. It could be beneficial to work with a doctor or therapist to navigate what is healthy for your own body. There has been times I have changed my own routine to accommodate a certain body type. Whether it’s changing your workout routine, overeating, or under-eating, make the decision that is going to be the best for you. Not the decision of someone on your social media. Again, what is healthy for you may not be the same for someone else, so love and appreciate your own being. There are more things in this life that are crafted just for you. Maybe there was a clothing item you wanted you buy, but could not afford. It can be hard to watch someone else get these luxuries, but maybe you were meant to save up for something that fit you even better. When we look at everyone as equals, the competition aspect fades away. You must ask yourself, what is it I want? Is what they have really even a win? If this question has to do with a new friend or girlfriend/boyfriend, the answer is already no. You do not win people, you connect and disconnect with them. When we can come from this the standpoint we are more open to receiving the good things in our life rather than focusing on our losses. Again, way easier said than done. Keeping a gratitude journal can help greatly.

In life we have our own lessons to learn. What is meant for someone else, may not be meant for you.

4. Replace the habit

Now you can understand why comparison is not good for you, but you just cannot stop. Just like any bad habit such as biting your nails, smoking, or complaining, it’s going to take some work. Mentally, we can start off by replacing our self criticism with patience that we are working towards our own goals. Physically, there is so much we can do it.

• If you cannot stop obsessing over their social media create a reward system to overcome the need. No, you are not a child, but yes, you really may need to do this. Keep track of how long you have gone without checking their social media. After 30 days, assign a certain reward, then for two months, then maybe even a year. You may need to start smaller as well, such as you get a spa-day after a week. I am completely serious right now. You check it, you start over. Bada Bing- Bada Boom.
• Accountability partner: If you need a friend to take your phone, then just do it.
• Set a positive reminder as your home screen so that it will catch you before you even open up social media.
• Instead of checking what they are doing, do something for yourself. If you feel the urge to involve yourself in their business, re-involve in a hands-on activity, such as painting.

5. Dig Deeper

We have now figured out a way for you to overcome this negative habit, but we want to make sure not to neglect ourselves in the process. At the root of our envy there could be a negative belief about ourselves we want to address. Look at this person you are comparing yourself to, what do they have that you lack? What are you making this mean about your own character? Once we can figure out how to love the parts of ourselves we want to grow, we can make good choices that will move us in the direction to accomplish our personal goals. Maybe in the end, what another person possesses could not even appeal to us anymore as we align with our true purpose.

Jealousy is a direct reflection of what we lack.

 

With love, Miss Rachel