Finding Yourself During Change
Mental Health

Finding Yourself During Change

Rachel Guerrero

When going through major transformations in our life it is hard to differentiate ourselves from the ever changing world around us. There has been many changes to my personal life lately that have reflected in me feeling lost. I met with a friend for a quick coffee and life update where I found myself reminiscing on past events that occurred in my life. I explained to her it was so hard for me to accept all these memories, but more that I couldn’t accept that the people I had known, had changed. She quickly remarked, “of course they have changed, haven’t you?”. I proudly replied “of course not, I have always been the same”. She looked disappointed and said, “I would be more concerned if I hadn’t changed than in what anyone else is doing”. You see, if you are lucky like me, you will have friends that tell you exactly what you need to hear. Her statement caused me to reflect hard and I felt I was missing something. I believe for those who struggle with anxiety, it can be comforting to us to have consistency in life. We deem the familiar as “safer” in both our environment and in relationships. Then it hit me, of course I had changed from the year before, but I didn’t want to recognize it for how far it was outside my comfort zone. Shedding your old self can be a scary and its almost easier to stay in the same mind-frame. My friend also pointed out to me, what may feel like a negative change, can still be growth.

My way of believing has been pretty inflexible and I failed to recognize that the very act of messing up my plan was growing. I have had a set idea for my life, then when it was turned upside-down, I felt less than. I have a firm belief in religion, that after experimenting with different things, it was very much questioned. What felt like the beginning of an ego death, was sadly not concluded. I do In fact still have a pretty strong ego, if I didn’t, maybe I could relax once in a while. Anyways, these situations, including an alternative change of perspective in religion has left me astray. In that very act of allowing myself to question all and hit rock bottom, I have actually just begin to positively change. Because god for bid I had made a mistake before, now I welcome it.

Sometimes we must lose ourselves before we are found.

1. Taking Risks

The biggest way to spark change can be going outside of your comfort zone. This can look like engaging in something your “normal self” would never and then continuing to push through the result of the outcome. After taking major risks this year, I feel the weight of its consequences, but also the momentum of myself morphing into someone new. That can be an extremely uncomfortable process and its totally normal! By taking risk we can combat limiting beliefs in our lives. This does not just have to be about anxiety and questioning whether we feel capable or not, it can be about the general ways we go about living. Questioning our own story is vital when analyzing our own change and its a way we can take a huge risk.

ex:

  • Your story may be “I am super lazy,  for me, its way more comfortable to stay home than go out”. Reflecting on your narrative and then changing the perspective could help you test something else new.
  • Your family may have deemed you as a harsh person, instead try seeing yourself as a empathetic human. You would be surprised how much we self-fulfill certain perspectives.

2. Letting Go Of The “Right Answer”

Ah, another fact of life that I really do not like. When analyzing our personal change, our judgment may step in. You could imagine yourself as a certain way because that’s what you morally feel is right. I’m not saying to completely abandon your morals, but rather step aside for a second and acknowledge that both factors may be right. As someone who is very strong-willed, this can be very difficult to accept that the way I have set myself up may not be right, and that other personal characteristic may not be wrong. Once we can let go of our “right/wrong” mindset, we allow ourselves to freely grow without judgment. After a long period of being relieved from my mental health stresses, to have completely relapsed was very challenging. I looked at my previous self as someone “better” than my current. If I can look at personal change without judgment that I can simply address it. Yes, I feel like I have made a lot of mistakes and am of the right path, but I truly just morphed into a more sensitive version of myself and will most likely change again. AND THAT’S OKAY! Neither versions of myself were better or worse. Neither versions of the people we truly love are better or worse.

3.  Checking In With Yourself

When we grow our self awareness by doing activities, such as journaling, we can take note of our personal characteristics. We can also reflect on our personal traits and traits we admire in others, then compare it to our values now. What values have changed in your life? For example, as previously noted, I put a lot of worth into loyalty of a certain way of living. Now, I am experimenting with different ways and making lots of mistakes along the way. Another practice can be visualizing a memory and pay attention to how you responded to it. How would you respond to that memory if it was to occur now? Practice this without judgment and then honestly look at yourself from this new lens. When we can accept we have changed into a new version of ourselves, we can become more open to changing again.

 

With love, Miss Rachel

 

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