How to Mother Yourself – Women's Wake

For the past several months (and the next few), I have been in recovery for chronic illness. During this time, I’ve been forced to slow my life down and really focus on the relationship between my mind and body. Before the illness, I pushed through any physical challenges as I was afraid of missing out on life and the consequences of leaving work, school, etc… It was only until I learned the severity of my illness and why it was key to rest for recovery before I was willing to submit to it. I have now entered a new phase of life that consists of pure nurturing rest and care. If you are like me, you may have no idea how to properly care for yourself and create a nurturing environment. If you have a harsh inner critic or grew up in a tough love household, this new nurturing lifestyle can be confusing. Here are a few things I have practiced to mother/nurture myself back to health.

Gentle exercises/body movements

One of the biggest challenges with chronic illness is finding the balance between rest and pushing yourself too hard. I have found that being bed-ridden takes a bigger mental tole than physical. I feel it has led me into a depressive state in which I find myself spending all my time indoors. I want to start getting myself in movement without overdoing it. Part of this is finding reasonable expectations for yourself; before I may have been able to hike, snowboard, and lift weights all in a day, and now I struggle to take a walk. That being said, I still would like to get moving and create a schedule for myself to promote blood flow. In order to have both I have began gentle excericisez such as tai chi, walks at a small incline, and lifting low weights in ways that are easy for my body. Through these workouts I listen closely to my body and when it tells me to stop (I develop a fever, extreme nausea/fatigue, other flu-like symptoms…), I simply pause and rest. Instead of getting angry with myself and pushing myself to work harder and preform better, I am compassionate and work alongside my body to get better. I take this into my everyday activities in which I conduct my chores with slow-paced movements and often remind myself there is no hurry to everything currently.

Emotional Soothing/Regulation

The mind and body are so incredibly connected that bouts of physical pain bring emotional pain. Usually, I analyze my emotions and create an end goal of figuring them out to be happy. The idea of emotional soothing is so new to me. It’s comforting yourself as you feel the emotions instead of judging or trying to change them. Sometimes these emotions can feel so strong and intense, it’s easier to watch them from an outside perspective rather than feeling them. As a mother would do, you must learn to comfort and soothe yourself through these emotions. Being recently diagnosed with chronic Illness, the stages of grief look different each day. Some are filled with sadness and anger, while others are acceptance and hope. Instead of judging this process or trying to fix it, I have simply allowed myself to experience each emotion and soothed through it. So what does self-soothing look like when dealing with intense emotion?

I am using comforting touches such as putting on a heating pad, and fuzzy socks, applying lotion/messaging one’s hands, and a simple self-hug.
Listening to soft music and rainforest sounds. Chronic illness can cause isolation and sometimes listening to someone tell a story or talk online can provide comfort
Moving through the feelings such as kicking during anger, stretching during anxiety, rocking through tears, and dancing through hope.
Looking through a lens of love and nurture as opposed to judgment and improvement. Understand that dealing with chronic Illness and mental illness is a forever-changing process that brings upon various emotions and we can’t always understand it.
Unlocking other sensations such as smell and taste by lighting a candle and eating comfort food.
Doing something that brings joy and peace. I have always had the misconception that when a problem arises, I must deal with it and find a solution right there. It’s okay to divert your attention to something you like such as a funny movie when those feelings become too intense. You aren’t ignoring it, but simply calming down until you return to it. Just as you would treat a child who was upset, you would show them something they enjoy to calm their intense emotions.

Remember, when we decide to mother/nurture ourselves the end goal isn’t just relief from the emotions as grief is long and confusing… It’s comforting ourselves through the physical and emotional pain of chronic Illness. I believe this will help create a more trusting and loving relationship with our bodies.

You are the best mother and nurturer you can provide yourselves

With Love,

Miss Rachel