Breakups are an assumed natural part of life, but do not get talked about nearly enough. An end to a relationship/friendship brings unwanted feelings of grief and despair. For people who struggle with mental illness, a breakup can feel overwhelming and can completely throw you off balance. No matter the situation surrounding your heartbreak, YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID! A breakup can feel like the end of the world, especially when you have lost your own sense of self. It can trigger feelings of abandonment and cause you to question your own self worth. I made the mistake of going into a relationship with low self worth and after you can imagine it was not raised. Loosing someone can make you feel like you lost control and can even mirror symptoms of GAD.  What do you do now? You cannot control what anyone else says/does in their life, all you can do is focus on both improving and healing yourself. Here are a couple things that helped me in my journey.

1. Building Self Love

When coming out of a relationship, our sense of self can become blurred. It’s important we turn inward and re-establish who we are. Ask yourself, who was I before this relationship? What did I believe in? What was I passionate about? By journaling our answers to these questions we can understand that we were whole before, during, and after our relationship with this person. Through this exploration of self, it is important to be gentle with the process. Turning against yourself will only push you further back in your healing process. In comparison to the beliefs you hold about yourself you must ask, what did the other person or this relationship say about me? If it ended, it probably reflected in negative beliefs you hold about yourself. These beliefs can look like, Am I not good enough? What is wrong with me? These are the questions we ask, but do not want to admit. To combat some of these negative beliefs, fight back with positive affirmations. Keeping a journal of the beautiful things about you, then reciting it daily is a great way to start. A great reminder is that others’ decisions are not a direct reflection on who we are as a person.

Examples of Affirmations:

“I am full of love”

“I appreciate my body and all it does for me”

“I am doing my best and constantly growing”

“All these things will pass”

“I deserve love”

2. Get busy

What is it that you absoulutley love doing? Okay, now make time for that thing everyday. Finding hobbies that we are passionate about helps us move forward and use our time productively. Take that trip you have always wanted to. Sign up for that class. Be open to learning. When struggling with a breakup it’s easy to get stuck in a pity-party-why-me mindset. To combat this create an uplifting routine that builds you in the midst of the tearing down. In this routine make time to exercise consistently, nurture your stomach, and get plenty of sleep. A busy schedule does not mean completely fill your time so you can never deal with the breakup, it means process your feelings and make time for the things you love. One of those things being you.

3. Build a Support System

What do you need during a breakup other than yourself? Alright maybe not an army, but definitely a great support system. Reaching out to close family and friends about these struggles can make the overall process much easier. Be open to connecting with your friends, even if you may not feel like it. Your friends may offer an alternative view you would have never considered. They are also great at catching your pity parties. If they are willing, having an accountability partner can be great when processing a breakup. Find yourself talking about your loss or catastrophizing the whole ordeal? Sometimes you need a friend to say, “I love you, but lets move onto to something better now”. And as much as we need to heal, we also need that reminder.

After the end of a relationship it can feel more comfortable to close off from the world, instead, try to let love in and accept when it presents itself in your life.

4. Be Patient

I wish more than anything that I was able to snap my fingers and just BE OVER IT, but that’s just not how life works. Breakups take a long time to grieve, so allow yourself to take that time. You would never tell a friend to just get over it, so do not do the same with yourself. Become self-compassionate as you move through your grief. This can look different for everyone, sometimes you will feel you are completely over it for a period, but then it comes back like a wave. That time you didn’t think about it for days and then broke down at a romantic drawing you saw on Instagram? Yea, those are the times to be kind to yourself.

Please do yourself a favor and do not jump into another relationship. As tempting as it may sounds to find a distraction, it does not help you in the healing process. After a breakup, we can find ourselves in a negative mindset and therefore, a lower vibration. You do not want to be looking to attract a healthy partner at this time. Instead, take the time to grief and identify yourself, this way you can attract someone in the future who aligns well with your true morals.

5. Separate The Feeling From The Person

For those who struggle with mental illness and trauma, we can form an unhealthy bond with others that makes us extremely codependant in our relationships. It can feel almost traumatizing when someone leaves our life, what’s important to remember is you can still feel as good as you did in the relationship as when it has ended. You may of had feelings of safety or security with this person. Whether this person still provides that or not, you still deserve to experience these feelings. Really remember how you may have felt with that person, now provide that to yourself. It is a lot easier said than done, but separating the feeling from the person can give you back your control.

Just because a person who gave you peace leaves, does not mean peace has left your life.

7. Going Forward

Alright so how do you become so close to someone and then just move on? It sounds unnatural, but is actually one of the greatest lessons in life. The art of letting go. I will have to admit I still struggle often with this concept, but the more we let go, the more we let in. So grief and ugly cry if you have too, then move forward in self love and structure. Trust me, before you know it, you will have moved on. And say you NEVER move on from this relationship, you get to move on with the wonderful memories and life lessons it gave you.

With love, Miss Rachel